This kinda goes along with what Lisa was talking about, about fears we have. But it's focussed differently so I'm posting it here instead of in reply to hers. The fears and concerns I've recently begun experiencing have to do with the people I'm leaving behind.
This last Sunday, the 28, I called my friend Alexis. She's back down at SWAU now, and when I called her, her and our whole crew of friends had gathered together at the duck pond to hang out a bit after reuniting at the beginning of the school year. I could hear everyone laughing and talking in the background. And it suddenly hit me like a bolt; I'm not there with them! And I won't be there again for another two years. By the time I come back, 3 of them will be graduated, there will be at least one more person in the group who wasn't a part of it before (that's not really much concern because I've met this person and she's pretty cool), and the rest of them will all be seniors instead of the beginning sophomores they were when I left. What hurts more is that all the times they're having together, and all the memories they're building won't include me. Then I start to wonder, will they be thinking of me during all those times? Will anyone say, "Wow! If Jeremy was here, he'd love this!" or say, "If Jeremy was here to experience this, he'd say such-and-such?" Perhaps they will at the start, but will it continue throughout the whole time I'm gone? By the time I come back, will I still be as much a part of the group as when I left, or will I'll be effectively removed from the group, not by intent, mind you, but simply by the prolonged separation and varied experiences that have changed us so much? This was the first group of friends I've ever had in which I felt truly loved and appreciated. The thought of no longer being a part of that group rends my heart very deeply. I thank God that I've met all of you, who have become the second such group in my life. And yet, I realize that the same thing happens to an extent with us. These are all gloomy thoughts, I know. But these are the fears and doubts that assail me. I realize this is just Satan trying to discourage me, and I refuse to let him succeed. I WILL continue with fundraising, and I WILL proceed on to Palawan and complete the mission. And of course, I realize also that whatever price God asks us to pay, He will more than repay us in time to come, whether that be in this world, or at Christ's return. We always ask God for the strength to do what needs to be done, and we know we always get it. But how often do we ask for the endurance to press on and not give up, inspite of the assults of the enemy? Brothers and sisters, this is my prayer, for all of us, that the Lord will grant us endurance to keep climbing the mountain, no matter how tall it is, and no matter how steep it gets; that when we feel so worn down that our arms and legs are ready to fall off, we'll keep climbing anyway, trusting in the Lord to keep them attached. This is not to say that He won't be reinvigorating us. But there are most deffinately times when He allows us to run as low as that in order that we might grow beyond our current limits. When that happens, the question is, will we quit when we run out of fuel, or will we keep running on fumes until the Lord refills our tanks? And He WILL refill them. I guess I'll leave it there for now. Pray for endurance for us all, and may God bless you all richly.
Love,
Jeremy
